I  just got one of my favorite rings back from the jeweller after having it checked, so in honor of that I Googled jewelry related writing prompts. These two quotes inspired me to try a bit of horror writing for the first time:

"Tentacles pour out from where a head should be" (from greybon.com)
"Nice jewelry and a boy's corpse"


"Nice jewelry."

"And a boy's corpse."

Not a description of the crime scene I was expecting. No matter how many times you hear the cliche "expect the unexpected," you're still always thinking it'll be the same old thing.

As I enter the scene I can tell immediately that those cops hit the nail on the head. The small room is littered with  nice jewelry of all kinds and in the center lies a boy's corpse. It looks like he was about 12 years old, bloody, clothes torn, and twisted in the terror he died in.

I try not to look at him too carefully since it's the bling I'm here for. Normally I wouldn't be anywhere near a murder scene since I specialize in jewelry and art theft. But the accessories around the body told the Chief I'd be an asset on the case.

I start examining the pieces one by one. It's immediately apparent that there's a lot of quality work here. Whoever killed this kid and ditched the jewels is either the biggest moron alive or something happened to make him run and he planned to come back for the treasure. Either way, he's lost out on thousands, probably hundreds of thousands of dollars.

I bag some of the pieces to take back to the lab and make sure that after the body's been dealt with it everything else will be sent to me. Not only will it all be evidence in the case, but it's also probably all stolen and we'll have to try to return what we can.

Something catches my eye as I head to the door- a necklace holder shaped like a dressmaker's dummy with wires coming out the top. I add it to my bag.


To be continued...

There's a cello in your house now*

That's the best line from Rocket Science, which I just watched. I had another post planned for tonight, but now I just have to talk about the obnoxious writing in the film. This is what happens when writers want to impress you with cleverness:


"Suitcases end marriages and farming subsidies launch cataclysms."
"Then on Thursday - it could have been any day, but it wasn't, it was Thursday,"


Honestly, I believe that if you're sitting there trying to be funny and clever and witty then you're going to fail and be annoying. And I could just hear the writer trying. It didn't help that those two lines were delivered by a narrater who disappeared for a chunk of the middle of the film and wasn't missed.


It strikes me as amazingly unfortunate that a story about finding your voice failed miserably because the writer's voice sounded so hollow and contrived. The goal of all that advice floating around about "finding your voice" to write is aimed at avoiding junk like this movie.




P.S. I also found every character in the film really creepy, with only two exceptions, which made the writing come across as even more annoying.




*I've always really liked cellos and have been thinking lately that after I'm satisfied with my piano skills and learn to play D's guitar and can afford to buy one, I might learn to play the cello.

Cooking Evening

In honor of the three dinners and ten lunches I prepared this evening, and the two apple pies I still haven't baked because I'm all cooked out, the prompt from the internet tonight is

How does your family prepare a turkey?*

First we order one from the local butcher so that we get a free-range, organic turkey that costs more than we should spend but makes us feel awesome and superior to people who don't care about their turkey's background. Our turkey last year was Mennonite, but this year we didn't specify that we wanted a religious bird so we got one without beliefs. It honestly didn't taste as delicious.

Once the turkey is home, Elva comes over and rubs secret spices all over it and sometimes stuffs it with things like apples and cinnamon sticks. We boil up a saline solution with chicken broth and bathe the turkey in it overnight.

On Canadian Thanksgiving we put the turkey in the pan, surround it with vegetables or apples or other things Elva knows will be yummy, and bake it.

Lastly, we carve it up and serve it to our friends who come to celebrate with us.


*Apparently, "Some people grill the turkey outside." Who? I'm from Southern California and, although we can comfortably eat the turkey outside on Thanksgiving without jackets, I don't know anyone who's ever grilled it.